Want to Know How to Get Your Kids to Do What You Say?

Apparently, Mike and I aren't the only ones who occasionally disagree about how we're going to parent our kids.  Today's question is from a young woman with 5 children!  Here's what she asked.

So here's my big question: What do you do when you and your husband are not on the same page with parenting? I feel like our kids are getting mixed messages from us and are confused. My kids listen to me because they know I will follow through. My husband yells and threatens, but there is no consistency and no follow through. They push his buttons til he is angry and THEN they listen. Help? - Anonymous

Let me start by saying thank you for your question.  There's a lot of emotion packed into it, because I know how stressful and draining it can be when you and your husband aren't on the same parenting page (or even in the same book!)  

You hit on some very key points in parenting, ones I'd like to look at a little closer.

First of all, follow through is key! If you say you are going to do something, then you have to do it. So be careful with your threats. Kids should know that when you speak; you mean it. Everyone, even kids, recognizes an empty threat.

Next, remember this simple rule. When it comes to parenting, the first one who yells, loses. (click to tweet) If your kids can push you to the point of anger that you yell, you lose. Think about it this way; once you yell, you have lost control, right? And if you aren't in control, then they are.

  Third, proximity over volume. Do you really want your kids to do what you say? Move closer to them. Don't yell from across the room. Sitting across the room and yelling doesn't really send a message that you mean business. 

Most "yellers" will move closer to their kids only when they've gotten angry. The end result is the same. 


You are going to eventually have to get up and move to where the kids are anyway. So why not do so before you get angry and lose control? I say again, if you lose control, they are in control.

And lastly, and this is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING, consistency is vital. The rules can't change because you are tired, or because you had a hard day at the office, or because you need 5 minutes to yourself. The boundaries can't shift because you are in a good mood either. 

Consistency is the key everyday, in every situation. If you will take just two days and be very consistent, you will be astounded at the difference in your household. You'll be exhausted, but you'll be astounded in a positive way! Two days. You can do it!

If you and your husband can get on the same page with these few parenting tips, then you'll be well on your way to a harmonious household!

Join the Conversation . . .

How are you doing in these four parenting essentials? I'd love to know what works for you.  And don't forget, leave me your question or email me directly at thatcaroljones@gmail.com

ThatCarolJones