How Old Do Your Kids Need to Be to Help Around the House?

"Carol, my kids are 4, 7, and 11 and I'm wondering when is a good age for them to start doing chores around the house?  It feels unfair to have the 11 year old help do everything (even though I know she is capable) but I obviously can't ask a 4 and 7 year old to do chores because they really can't do much of anything.  It's become a sore spot between my husband and I." -Erin Montgomery, Oregon

First off, Erin,  I just have to say how cool it is that someone from Oregon wrote me!  (Yeah, I'm still easily impressed!)  Thanks for your fabulous question.  I know lots of parents struggle with when to start having their kids "really" help out around the house.

I have always been of the firm belief that once your kids are old enough to walk and take stuff out, they are old enough to put stuff away. But I'm guessing that you are talking about something more significant than putting away their toys!  (In case not though, your kids should put away their own toys! HA!)

My general rule of thumb is this; allow your children to help do anything they can help do.

WHAT CAN THEY DO?

I have four year olds (2 of them).  They pick up their dirty clothes and put them in the hamper.  They strip the sheets off their bed on sheet washing day.  They not only pick up their toys, they sort them into the appropriate toy bins (I might have a little OCD!)  

They help put away the clean dishes (pans, plastic storage dishes, and all of the silverware).  They make their beds in the morning.  They take their plates and cups off the table after each meal.

When they get home, they put their backpacks where they go.  And now they are starting to help dust and sweep and fold the clothes.

My point?  A 4 year old is capable of doing A LOT around the house.  And so is a 7 year old and an 11 year old. And it is 100% acceptable for you to expect your 7 year old to do more than your 4 year old, and your 11 year old to do more than your 7 year old.

IF THEY CAN OPERATE YOUR SMART PHONE

When my sons were little, I would tell parents, "Look, if they can operate the tv remote, they can help around the house."  Now, in 2013, I tell parents, "Look, if they can operate your iphone, they can help around the house."

Keep in mind that age appropriate expectations are important. The way your 4 year old makes a bed, will be different than the 7 and 11 year old (and they probably don't do it like a grown up will.) 

HELPER OF THE WEEK

A great thing I used with my boys and will start with my girls when they are 5 is what I call the "Helper of the Week."

Here's how it works:
Everyone has their "regular" chores.  Picking up their own toys, clothes, etc.

But the helper of the week is sort of "on call" for helping out around the house.  You know, the person Mom can say, "Jimmy, will you take this phone into your dad?" or "Will you take these shoes upstairs?" "Will you set the table?" etc.   As the kids get older, the chores get bigger; like, "Will you empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, etc."

In exchange for the work they have to do as the helper, they also have a lot of privileges.  (This was the part my boys loved!)  I purposefully made the privileges anything that was a common sibling fight.  For example, the Helper got to push the grocery cart, ride in the front seat (if age appropriate) take their bath/shower last, have the last piece of cake, pick what tv show or movie to watch, etc.

So, the helper had to do a lot of work during their week, but they also LOVED having so many privileges.

The great thing is, there are no "set chores" for the helper, so whatever the needs are for that week, the helper is on hand to do, and you can completely customize the chores for the age of the child.

And the kids' attitudes are positive because they are thrilled with all of their many privileges!

How long can you do this with your kids?  We started when our sons were 5 and 6, and continued having a "Helper of the Week" until they graduated from high school. (It works that well!)

Modification for Only Children

Obviously, if your child is the only child, the helper of the week doesn't as well, because they would ALWAYS be the helper of the week.  A way to modify is to let Mom and Dad also be the helper, or to have the child be "on duty" every other week.  I've had friends who told me this modification worked great for them?

So what chores should your 4, 7 and 11 year old do?  Any they are capable of doing.  It really is that simple.  Helping around the house provides your children with the opportunity to contribute to the operation of the home and teaches them responsibility from a very early age. It also gives them an incredible sense of accomplishment.

If you serve your children all of their lives and they never get to be contributors in the home, then they will likely grow up to be adults who expect to be served.  

So think of it this way; teaching your kids to help out around the house is really a public service!

A Quick Video of Proof  (in 55 seconds and she's 4!)

WHAT'S WORKING FOR YOU?

I'd love to hear from you. I'll bet you have some great ideas of your own on how to get kids to help out around the house!

Let me know what you're doing that works!

ThatCarolJones