Talking to Your Toddler About Childbirth

Photo by ChipGillespie.com

Recently, my five-year-old daughter, Nikki, and I visited a friend who was in the hospital about to have her 30wk baby delivered due to complications in the pregnancy. This morning at the breakfast table, I told Nikki that our friend had given birth to a baby girl.

What ensued was nothing short of an epic conversation about where babies come from.  

I am a veteran at this conversation with young children. I mean, I've raise a set of kids already.  This is a very common question. There are rules you follow. No problem to answer.  Remain calm, follow the rules.    

Remain. Calm.

Follow. The. Rules.

WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?

6 Simple Rules to Remember When Talking to Your Toddler About Birth

Me: "Nikki, our friend had her baby!"

Nikki: "Did it come out of her tummy?"

Me: "Yes, she did."

Shannay: "How did it get out?"

Me:  "The doctor helped her come out."

Shannay: "Did the mommy burp and it came out of her mouth?"

Me: "No, that's not how babies come out.  But that's funny."

Shannay: "Where do babies come from?'

RULE #1: DETERMINE WHAT THEY REALLY WANT TO KNOW

Me: (I'm a veteran at this question!) "What do you mean?"

Shannay: "How did it get in there and how does it come out?"

RULE #2: START WITH A SIMPLE ANSWER

Me: "God makes a special place inside a mommy's belly for the baby to grow.  And when it's time, He makes a special way for it to come out."

Shannay: "What's that special place called?"

RULE #3: USE THE REAL WORDS

Me: "It's called a womb."

Shannay: "And then she frows up and the baby comes out?"

Me: "No, it doesn't come out of her mouth.  It's not in her stomach.  It's in her womb, which is different."

Shannay: "Okay."

Phew. Conversation over.  Long period of silence.  I feel confident I have answered her questions for today. 

And then things go awry. All the sudden, wise-veteran-mom panics.

Shannay: "Where is the other special place?"

("PLAY DUMB, PLAY DUMB, PLAY DUMB," says the voice in my head.)

Me: "What do you mean?" (my voice is pitched noticeably higher at this point.)

Shannay: "Where the baby comes out."

("AVOID THIS QUESTION, SUBJECT CHANGE, SUBJECT CHANGE," says the voice in my head.) 

Me: "Shannay you need to eat your breakfast."

Shannay: "Where is the special place God makes for the baby to come out?"

Me: (WHY DON'T I WANT TO ANSWER THIS!!!!!)

Shannay: "If the baby doesn't come out of your mouth, how does it get out?"

Me: (HERE GOES NOTHING)

Me: "Well, the baby comes out of your vagina." (we use the real words in this house folks.) God makes a way for the baby to come out of your vagina."

RULE #4: BE HONEST, BUT DON'T GIVE MORE INFORMATION THAN THEY ARE ASKING

Shannay: "Does it hurt?"

Me: "Well, yes, it does hurt a little."

Shannay: "But you have to have a baby in your belly for that to happen, right?"

Me: "Yes ma'am.  That's right." (LORD, PLEASE LET THAT BE THE END OF HER QUESTIONS)

Shannay: (clearly thinking about this one.)  "Well, that's cool.  That was a good idea God had 'bout that."

RULE #5: BE SURE THEY DON'T HAVE ANY MORE QUESTIONS

Me: "Do you have any more questions about it?"

Shannay: "Yes."

Me: "What?"

Shannay: "Can I have gum today?"

RULE #6: THE CONVERSATION IS OVER WHEN THE CONVERSATION IS OVER.

And that, dear friends, is how you talk to your toddler about where babies come from.  

I would LOVE to hear your panicked version of where babies come from. Come on now, you know you want to!